


You Attack My Heart

by artisticvelvet



Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: F/F, University/College, chuuves is main but hints of the sideships (that I will probs also write fics about separately), maybe slowburn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-04
Updated: 2019-09-04
Packaged: 2020-10-10 03:31:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,758
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20521241
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/artisticvelvet/pseuds/artisticvelvet
Summary: It's the start of a new period in Sooyoung's life as she enters her first university year. To avoid a repetition of her past, she decides to make some rules for herself. A girl in her course, however, seems to make it a bit more difficult for Sooyoung to stick to her own regulations.





	1. One

Sooyoung’s fingers softly tapped on the wooden school table as her gaze wandered around the auditorium, briefly focusing on a few unfamiliar faces, before settling on observing the soft yellow rays of sunshine peeking through grey clouds and reflecting against the university’s windows.

She slightly shifted in the chair, trying to adjust herself into a less uncomfortable position only to sigh in defeat as she felt an unchanging tension in her lower back. The day schools will be finally provided with pleasant seats will be the day she will start believing in miracles.

A few students captured her attention with their loud, excited voices and Sooyoung noted the big smiles on their faces as they conversated with either old friends, potential friends or acquaintances. She didn’t know how that felt like, having only one friend left from high school and none from before nor after.

It didn’t bother her though. A few years ago, it would’ve. Especially during that one period in her life when she had desperately wished for a big group of friends and a place between her popular peers. When she had felt as if she had been continuously judged whenever nobody sat next to her or had kept her opinions to herself out of fear of being alienated.

It had taken awhile, but after graduating high school and having taken a gap year to focus on herself, Sooyoung had finally found a part of the peace she needed and wished she had gotten a few years ago.

Her best friend had playfully scolded her for not having listened to her earlier. The latter had often given Sooyoung the advice to live her life freely and not according to others’ standards and had been not only the prime example of it, but also a source of inspiration to Sooyoung.

The feeling of being able to sit amongst a crowd of her peers without bothering to think about their perceptions of her felt incredibly freeing. Her heart was light, and she didn’t want that to ever change. Just the possibility of losing all of her improvement and going back to stage one was sufficient to stir with her thoughts.

The sudden resonance of a man’s voice, possible one of the professors, through the microphone captured everyone’s attention in the room, immediately quieten them and pushing them to search for their seats.

“Good afternoon. I see you are all sitting in your seats already. I guess miracles aren’t out of this world yet”, he deadpanned, resulting in some laughter from his audience. “Welcome to the introduction day of this university’s literature course. My name is Park Jisung and I am one of your future literature teachers, if you of course chose to follow this course.”

Sooyoung leant back in her chair as she listened to the teacher’s speech, her gaze occasionally wandering over the room and wondering how many of the people present would choose this course or chose another life path.

Sometimes, someone would enter the room and apologize for being late while nervously searching for a seat as all eyes watched them. Even 30 minutes into the introduction the door would still open to reveal yet another latecomer. Sooyoung didn’t care much, only letting her gaze settle on another unfamiliar face for a few seconds before returning her attention to the lecturer.

The buzz in her phone, however, distracted her completely. Sooyoung fished the device out of her jacket’s pockets and pressed on the lock button, a small smile forming on her lips as her eyes read over the name she had saved her best friend under.

From Breadjin:

“And? Surviving? Does the course sound like fun?”

“Or did it snap you out of your horrible idea of voluntarily jailing yourself in the cell of boring reading books?”

“Is it true that literature students love being edgy?”

“Are there any hot people? This last question is that most important one, so don’t you dare ignore it!!!”

Sooyoung rolled her eyes, letting out a small chuckle at Hyunjin’s antics, before typing a brief response to the somewhat impatient girl.

To Breadjin:

“Until now it has sounded quite nice.”

“Only if you snap out of your horrible idea of voluntarily engaging in sports that will literally suck the energy out of you”

“Are you calling me edgy??”

“I dunno, nor do I really care. You can always come here and check it out yourself tho”

Only a few seconds passed before she got another few replies.

From Breadjin:

“Rather getting my energy sucked out because of sports than millions of tiny font words on one page”

“I pretty much am yes”

“You! Are! No! Fun!”

“Just try looking pls, I want my eyes to be cleansed.”

To Breadjin:

“Pls explain me how ur eyes will be cleansed if you aren’t here to see them for yourself??”

From Breadjin:

“I don’t need to. You see, I’m expecting for you, my expert literature friend, to give me a detailed and beautiful literary description of how good they look so that my mind will be blessed and my internal eyes along with it.”

To Breadjin:

“…internal eyes? Expert literature friend???”

“God, why am I friends with you????”

From Breadjin:

“Cause you have common sense. I mean, who doesn’t want to be friends with me? I was made to be loved!!”

Sooyoung could already image that classic cocky grin on Hyunjin’s face as the latter sent that last message. Just when she was reading to type another reply, her attention got caught as the teacher began to ask questions to the audience. She returned her gaze to the conversation on her screen and quickly composed an answer, before tugging her phone into her pocket.

Leaning back in her chair again, Sooyoung let her eyes travel over the auditorium, sometimes fixating her gaze on the person who was answering one of the teacher’s questions, sometimes just on some other random face.

She spotted a guy with ruffled short black hair and a sharp jawline. He was wearing sports clothing and his arms looked toned. His two earrings were glistering in the bath of sunlight that was falling from the windows. When it came to appearances, he definitely fit within Hyunjin’s type. Sooyoung made a mental note to text her about him later on.

She continued to observe the other people in the room.

There were two girls sitting next to each other who seemed to have completely different tastes in everything. One of them was wearing an oversized black shirt, black jeans and dark lipstick whereas the other was dressed in a peach-coloured blouse, a pink skirt and strawberry lipstick. Yet, by the way they were happily whispering in each other’s ears and chuckling together, Sooyoung assumed they were at least friends. Close friends even.

She also spotted a few people who had tattoos on their arms or on their necks. Sooyoung couldn’t help but admire them for daring to do that in a society that strongly against permanent body paint.

Her thoughts were interrupted as a girl who answered the professor’s question caught her attention. Sooyoung narrowed her eyes as she observed her. Long black hair, red lipstick, gorgeous side profile, an elegant vibe. Sooyoung wouldn’t be surprised if this girl had a lot of admirers. She probably used to have quite a reputation during her high school days, the reputations of an untouchable goddess. That’s how she came across through the way she sat and the way she talked.

And one thing was sure. She definitely fit within Hyunjin’s type. Sooyoung made another mental note. This one was of high importance. Admittedly, even if she was briefly caught off guard by the girl’s undeniable beauty.

Sooyoung noted how there were quite a few other people whose gazes were completely glued to the girl’s face and Sooyoung couldn’t help but chuckle a little at how obvious their stares were.

The girl had been the last one to speak before the professor announced that there would be a lunch break of 20 minutes. Sooyoung ran her fingers through her hair, as her eyes darted across the room, realizing that she was one of the few who hadn’t brought food with her. She shrugged and grabbed her phone ready to send Hyunjin a message about who she had seen but not give enough details so that the latter would get desperate.

She knew how impatient Hyunjin could be when it came to Sooyoung purposely keeping information like this from her. Sooyoung smirked at the idea and her fingers began to jot down a few sentences.

“Sorry?”

Sooyoung frowned as the voice interrupted her thoughts, briefly forgetting what she was about to type before remembering and resuming the action. After all, she wasn’t expecting for that person to be talking to her. That is, until she heard the voice again.

“Uh, excuse me?”, the question was repeated, this time a bit louder and closer to her ear.

Sooyoung laid her phone on the table as she kept in a frustrated sigh, again forgetting what she was about to type. She turned around with a questioning look in her eyes, her gaze meeting that of a girl with long wavy blonde hair, half tied up in a bun and bright eyes. The first thought that popped in Sooyoung’s head was that she was very pretty.

The second thought was her wondering why on earth the girl was pouting and clasping her hands together as if she was about to make a plead to some stranger.

“Hi, sorry if this sounds very random, but do you have anything to eat? I forgot to bring food because I had to rush here and I’m sooooooo hungry!!”

Sooyoung blinked a few times, the unexpected request replaying in her head until it sank deep enough for her brain to comprehend its meaning.

“Uh…”, Sooyoung lifted one of her eyebrows in confusion before smiling apologetically. “Sorry, but I have none as well…”

The blonde girl redirected her gaze towards the guy sitting one seat away from Sooyoung. She hadn’t really paid attention to him when she entered the room, but now she noticed the interesting contrast between his gentle smile and otherwise rough appearance. He had a snapback on his head, a bit of scruff on his sharp jawline, bushy eyebrows, a plaid jacket which accentuated his broad shoulders and a box of cigarettes in his chest pocket.

“Sorry, me neither”, he said sounding genuinely apologetic.

“Ah dammit…”, the girl sighed, the pout not leaving her lips. “Oh well, it’s my own fault for always being late…”

Now that Sooyoung thought about it, this girl had been one of the late comers. The ones belonging to the 30 minutes late category. Impressive, to say the least.

Another unfamiliar voice chirped in, taking Sooyoung’s attention away from the other two.

And this time, Sooyoung was barely able to keep her mouth from dropping open as her gaze fell on the face of the girl sitting in front of her.

She had big, dark brown eyes that sparkled as if containing the brightest of stars. Her cheeks were squishy and the thought of pinching them briefly crossed Sooyoung’s mind. There were even more visible due to her tied up brown hair. The girl’s eyebrows were partly hidden behind her bangs which emphasized her gleaming eyes.

Sooyoung felt herself slightly gulp.

“I have an extra apple if you want?”, the girl offered, her radiant and attractive smile drawing Sooyoung’s attention to her full and pink lips.

“Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you!”, the blonde girl squealed, a bright and radiant smile appearing on her face as she took the apple from the girl’s hands, immediately taking bite out of it.

The blonde girl’s excited voice snapped Sooyoung out of her trance, though she found it slightly difficult to tear her gaze away from the other girl.

“So, what do you guys think about the course and stuff so far? Do you already know whether you’ll go for it?”, the guy asked.

“I really like it! I had actually already settled on choosing this course, but my friend wanted to make sure we didn’t make the wrong decision”, the girl sitting in front of her chuckled. Sooyoung smiled at the soft sound.

“That ‘friend’ by the way is me”, the girl sitting next to the very, very cute one turned around to face them. She had a mischievous smile on her face. The smile of someone who survived on sarcasm and detachedness. It kind of reminded Sooyoung of herself and Hyunjin. Though this girl also seemed to give off a confident aura, which matched Hyunjin’s vibe more.

“Well, I like it too actually!”, the blonde girl gave her a thumbs up. She took another bite of the apple and scrunched her nose as if it was the most appetizing food in the world. The blonde girl could pretty much battle with Hyunjin over who would be the best for a food commercial.

“Hm, I’m still doubting it”, the guy said. The possibly sarcastic girl agreed. However, the other two were quickly to disagree and soon it turned into a friendly debate over what aspects of the course sounded good or bad, to more information on their former high schools or gap years taken.

Sooyoung didn’t contribute much to the conversation, simply leaning back and observing them, specially the girl sitting in front of her, while occasionally chuckling here and there or making a short comment. Nowadays, she preferred it more like that anyways.

After the break ended, it took them another two hours of information and a tour through the building to finish off the introduction day. However, after Sooyoung had gone home, she realized she hadn’t remembered much from the second part of the lecture just before the tour.

Namely, because her eyes (and thoughts) had often occasionally (and involuntarily) wandered to the girl sitting in front of her, stealing her attention from the rest of the room until they had been separated when everyone had been divided into several groups for the tour.

That had been the last time Sooyoung had seen her that day and yet that girl was the first to pop up in her mind when Hyunjin had interrogated her later on about the people present. Sooyoung decided to shrug the thought of that girl off, not seeing it as important enough to tell Hyunjin.

Besides the last thing she wanted was to be teased about a girl who she would probably never see nor talk to again.

And as the months flew by, Sooyoung didn’t think of her until the beginning of her first year at university.


	2. Two

For years, Sooyoung had felt like she was the only one trying whereas others didn’t seem to care for her one bit, apart from her best friend.

One thing was sure: she did not want a repetition of that.

So, Sooyoung had made some rules for herself when she had reflected on her future as a university student. Some safety regulations to prevent herself from falling into the same trap as her younger self.

Under no circumstances would she sit next to someone solely out of fear of judgement for being alone. There was nothing wrong with it and frankly, people probably didn’t even care that much. And even if they did, obsessing over those negative judgements would just be a waste of time and energy.

She would not change her opinions or silence herself just because she feared becoming an outcast. The right that others had to voice their thoughts was one she had as well. This concept had been something that had taken quite some time for her to realize.

Sooyoung had also raised her expectations. The high wall that was built on those ideals gave her a sense of solace and she couldn’t picture herself ever tearing it down for anyone anymore.

Not only was this wall a protection against ingenuine friends but also people that weren’t worth chasing after. She would not go through lengths just to fall into the taste of others, to try gaining their acceptance.

This last rule was particularly due to her crushes, and even more specifically the girl of two years ago, the first crush she had ever cried over.

The girl who was supposedly her friend but often ignored her messages for weeks and acted like she had been too busy to answer. The same person who continuously proposed meet ups only to cancel it last minute each time because of the most unbelievable reasons.

And Sooyoung had often fallen for it, because she had been so blinded by her own feelings. She had tried so many times to take more time to answer, or act more aloof towards her ‘friend’, but she never could.

Sooyoung had often beaten herself up for it, for being so naïve and overly positive.

The day her crush got a boyfriend was insufferable. Sooyoung remembered hearing the news and smiling, genuinely thinking she was happy for her and that perhaps her feelings had not been so deep.

She had called Hyunjin, telling her best friend about the news and trying to convince herself that it was fine. Hyunjin didn’t fall for it and Sooyoung had ignored it, favouring ignorance over awareness.

After the call had ended, however, she had broken down in tears and cried for hours, unable to sleep.

Months had passed until it had been almost a year since that day and Sooyoung still bore the broken pieces of her heart, finding it almost impossible to fix it.

However, on the day of her graduation when her gaze had scanned the crowd and fixated on her dad’s and Hyunjin’s big smiles in the crowd, Sooyoung began to realize things.

Her high school graduation marked the end of a phase in her life and the beginning of another. It was a symbol of her past and one of future change. It was time to move on. To start anew. And to focus on the people who were truly important to her.

By the end of her graduation, for the first time in a while, Sooyoung’s heart had felt a bit lighter and her smile had been genuine as she was wrapped into a strong (and literally suffocating) embrace by her dad and Hyunjin.

In that moment, things seemed to be almost entirely right. And that was something precious to her. A feeling she never wanted to lose again.

It was also the moment when she decided that she needed time to focus on herself. She needed a break. Both her dad and Hyunjin had encouraged her decision to take a gap year, and frankly, the thought of having their support was all Sooyoung needed to gather strength.

After having spent that gap year trying to move on, trying to find herself, and successfully doing so, Sooyoung had told herself she would never ever make the same mistakes again.

She would not change herself or try this much for others anymore, unless they showed their efforts first.

This was everything Sooyoung tried to keep in my mind when she stepped into the university building on the first day of a new phase in her life.

She had her earphones in and kept the strap of her bag in place on her shoulder, as her she observed the gradual change of numbers in the empty elevator, before it softly came to a halt and the doors opened.

The ticking sounds of her boots’ heels on the floor played the beat of an unknown song as she walked through the nearly deserted hallway.

Sooyoung’s gaze shifted from the schedule on the screen of her phone to the classroom numbers on the walls and back. She had to be in class number 5.40.

“5.37, 5.38…”, she read, coming to a slow halt when the numbers on the walls disappeared as the hallway’s path continued around the corner.

Sooyoung took out one of her earphones, searching for any confirmation that she was in the right location. The sound of murmur indicated that there was at least a sign of life around the corner, and perhaps a chance that it belonged to possible classmates.

She took out the other earphone, put them away in her leather jacket’s pockets and with a quick roll of her neck and crack of knuckles, a nervous habit, Sooyoung tilted her head up and slowly walked towards the source of the voices.

“Stay calm, look people in the eyes, keep your head up, don’t think too much”, Sooyoung internally repeated, attempting to build up some confidence.

She softly scoffed at herself for still thinking too much.

With one final repetition of the rules she was resolved to follow and keep close to her heart, Sooyoung turned around the corner and slowly came to a halt as she saw at least ten students waiting in front of the classroom door, the number 5.40 on a small board just next to it.

Her insides tightened as her gaze met unknown pairs of eyes filled with curiosity and alarm upon seeing a new face.

Silence filled the hall and all signs of life evaporated. Sooyoung felt as if she was in a museum observing statues. Awkwardness dominated the sphere and for a moment, she just stood there unsure of what to do, yet trying to keep a confident and nonchalant attitude.

In the end, Sooyoung decided for a quick bow of her head as a short greeting. This somewhat insignificant gesture seemed to make a bigger impact than she thought. 

The other students also greeted her in the same way and a few shot some small smiles, before continuing the conversations they had been previously engaged in, as if someone had hit the play button after a long moment of pause.

Sooyoung let out a silent breath that she didn’t realize she was keeping in, and, feeling slightly more comfortable, she leant against the wall with her back and fished her phone out of her pocket, checking for any messages.

Her attention, however, soon got caught by a very familiar voice. Like some sort of déjà-vu.

“Excuse me?”

This time, as opposite to the first, Sooyoung immediately reacted, her gaze capturing familiar, bright eyes amongst the unknown ones.

It was the pretty, late-coming, food-loving, blonde girl.

Somehow seeing her calmed Sooyoung’s nerves down. A tiny bit.

She lifted her eyebrows up and slightly tilted her head, signalling the blonde a silent confirmation of her presence.

“You were the girl sitting in front of me during that course guide day right? The one who didn’t have any food as well!”, the blonde asked, showing off all of her pearly whites.

Sooyoung was caught of guard by the girl’s genuine smile and enthusiasm. The smiles of the other students had been out of courtesy, but the blonde seemed to be truly happy to see her. Sooyoung couldn’t help but slightly lift the corners of her own lips.

“Yea that’s me. And you were the one who came in the middle of that teacher’s speech right?”, she couldn’t help but tease the blonde.

“Yea… oops, I guess”, the girl chuckled. “I rarely arrive on time. It’s a bit of a problem.”

“Oh, but you are right on time today, though?”

The blonde smirked mischievously.

“Consider yourself lucky to have experienced this miracle. It will be the first and last time for a long time.”

“Starting the year well off I see”, Sooyoung smiled.

“You bet!”, the girl grinned. She then stretched out her arm towards Sooyoung. “My name is Jinsol by the way!”

Sooyoung took the blonde’s, Jinsol’s, hand in her own and shook it.

“Sooyoung.”

“Oh, that’s a pretty name!”, Jinsol’s looked even brighter now.

“Oh you really think so?”, she chuckled.

“Yea. I mean, I don’t say things I don’t mean.”

Sooyoung smiled at the blonde’s energy and enthusiasm. It made her feel almost as spirited.

Their conversation was then interrupted, however, by the sight of another unfamiliar face: a man with grey hair and a trimmed beard, wearing a red tie over a black sweater.

“Good morning”, his heavy voice immediately silenced all of the students. He put on a gentle smile. “I’m guessing you are the ones that were scheduled to be in classroom 5.40, am I right?”

Some people nodded, yet no one spoke. Sooyoung thought of these students as even more awkward then when ones of her first year back in middle school.

“That’s good. I’m glad you found the right way”, he said, walking towards the door as people cleared a path for him.

He opened the classroom door and was followed by the students inside. The sound of chairs scraping over the floor and books or laptops being laid on the tables, broke the otherwise silent room.

Sooyoung took a seat behind one of the tables in the back of the classroom, not shooting one glance at the others. She had reminded herself of one of her rules: don’t sit next to anyone out of fear of being judged for being alone.

For her, this decision was a small victory.

Though, she couldn’t deny that she felt somewhat happy when Jinsol took the seat next to her. Based on first impressions, Sooyoung did admit that she had taken a liking to the blonde’s genuine personality.

“Before we focus on today’s subject, I want us to get to know each other a bit more. So I want you to group up in threes and ask each other one or two questions. After that, I will ask you to introduce each other to me.”

Jinsol leant towards Sooyoung and whispered in her ear.

“Guess the teachers really don’t want to leave this introduction stuff behind in middle school huh?”

“Of course not. That would be too much to ask”, Sooyoung whispered back.

“Please make it original. I would rather not hear what someone’s favourite colour is 16 times in a row”, the teacher said earning laughter from the students.

Sooyoung ended up in a group with Jinsol and a girl she had never seen before. She had short-hair, sharp eyes and a cute smile.

“Hi, my name is Haseul! Nice to meet you!”, the girl’s voice was cheerful, yet she had a calm vibe as well.

“I’m Jinsol”, the blonde greeted with equal enthusiasm.

“Sooyoung.”

She liked to keep her introductions short, even though it wasn’t exactly what the teacher had asked.

“So… do you guys know what kind of questions are original?”, Haseul asked, seeming somewhat lost, yet keeping an unwavering smile on her face.

“Uh, I have no idea… I’m kind of bad at this…”, Jinsol chuckled.

“Yea, same”, Haseul nodded.

“Do you have any ideas?”, Jinsol’s gaze met Sooyoung’s.

The latter thought about questions.

Sooyoung had always been someone who preferred digging beyond the upper layer. She liked to get to know the deeper aspects behind someone’s personality.

Yet, she didn’t like it when people tried the same with her. Sooyoung was one to be more closed off and keep things for in, only for herself. Only Hyunjin had been truly successful in uncovering more about her.

Then again, the two were quite similar, so things were easier between them.

“If…”, Sooyoung briefly paused, rethinking through her words, making sure they made sense, “if you would have to describe your personality in one sentence, how would you describe yourself?”

Haseul lifted her eyebrows in surprise. Jinsol’s mouth formed itself into an O-shaped form and widened her eyes.

“Oooohhh, that’s a pretty good question!”, the blonde grinned, before tapping her chin in thought. “I think… I would describe myself as a cheerful, slightly dumb person who values the small things in life and wants to try to enjoy and achieve as much as possible!”

Sooyoung nodded at the description, finding herself to agree almost with everything (based on first impressions of course).

It had always been a habit of hers to try to pinpoint someone’s personality based on first meetings and intuitions. She didn’t consider it as judging others in a negative way though. It was just that she was interested in finding out how good her predictions were and how well she did when reading others.

“Oh, but you don’t sound dumb at all though?”, Haseul said, with a small frown on her face. Sooyoung thought of Haseul as seeming a bit motherly. She wondered how correct her judgement was.

“I say a lot of dumb things, trust me. I’m a bit of a head-in-the-clouds as well!”, Jinsol laughed.

“But you are in university, right?”, Haseul asked, trying to prove a point.

“Yea, but you don’t necessarily have to be smart to get into university. You can also get in through hard work!”, Jinsol counterargued.

“Hm… I guess you’re right, actually. I didn’t think about that”, Haseul nodded in agreement.

In Sooyoung’s eyes Haseul seemed to be the type to speak before thinking, but not mean it in a bad way. She seemed to have the nature of someone who loved lifting up people’s confidence by giving out genuine compliments.

And she seemed someone who found it easy to apologize because of her lack of arrogance.

If anything, Haseul struck her as the motherly type who was in the danger of being too nice in the sense that people with bad intentions would make use of it. Sooyoung did hope she was in the wrong.

“But, then I would say that there are no actual dumb people. There are just areas in which someone is less good then others. But you could also be good in an area in which others aren’t!”, Haseul commented.

Jinsol slowly nodded as she listened. However, a smirk grew on her face.

“I still think I’m a bit dumb”, she jokingly said. Haseul playfully rolled her eyes and Sooyoung chuckled.

Despite Jinsol’s description of herself as dumb, Sooyoung didn’t see it as the blonde lacking confidence.

If anything, Jinsol struck her as the type to find her so-called dumbness as a part of her personality that she had confidence in. The blonde didn’t seem to feel any shame because of it.

“Well, how about saying I’m the smartest dumb person?”, Jinsol suggested.

“How about dumbest smart person?”, Haseul replied.

After some thought, Jinsol found herself coming to an agreement.

“I’ll take that!”

“Good”, Haseul smirked. They dramatically shook each other’s hands. Sooyoung smiled throughout the whole interaction, while attempting to pinpoint their personalities at the same time.

“How would you describe yourself then?”, Jinsol asked.

Haseul’s gaze shifted to the ceiling as she thought about the question.

“Hm… I’m… I’m a family person who loves the feeling of a… group?”, she pouted, unsure of her own wording. “Like solidarity? Connection? Uhm… I just… like the feeling of being a tight, close, family-like, friend group, you know?”

Sooyoung nodded, lack the feeling of surprise when she heard the short-haired girl’s answer. It was something that she had expected from her.

And besides that, Sooyoung did genuinely know what Haseul meant. A few years ago, the idea of being part of a group in which everyone was close to one another seemed like the ideal life.

She had been so keen on being part of such a group that in the end, she made wrong decisions (such as trying to be someone else) and ended up in several groups that lacked the feeling that she wanted.

Sooyoung wondered whether Haseul had found her place in a group where she felt comfortable and connected.

“Seems like you are kind of a motherly type huh?”, Jinsol said.

“I am! And I hear that a lot”, Haseul smiled widely, her eyes forming themselves into crescent moons.

“I think you might have some teasing side to yourself though”, Sooyoung half-joked. Haseul did strike her as the type to be good at teasing her friends and joining in with pranks.

A mischievous glint crossed Haseul’s eyes and she wiggled her eyebrows.

“Who knows? Maybe I do”, she said using a fake innocent-like voice.

“I don’t think I want to hear that voice ever again”, Sooyoung pretended to shiver.

“Well, I can’t promise that you won’t hear it again, though”, Haseul smirked.

“I have no thoughts about this… yet”, Jinsol chuckled. She then met Sooyoung’s eyes. “So, how about you? How would you describe yourself?”

Lots of thoughts crossed her mind. Different ideas about what her traits were and what she thought her personality was like. Honestly, she tended to have a bit of a negative view of herself at times. Or at least, that’s what Hyunjin had told her.

Sooyoung searched for the ones who sounded the most impersonal or neutral and gave her the least spotlight.

“Uhm… I’d say that I’m an introverted person who…”, Sooyoung paused for a bit, somewhat unsure what to say, “loves music, books and dance…”

“Aha…”, Haseul said, frowning as if in deep thought, yet her gaze was gentler than Jinsol’s.

Sooyoung now noted how the blonde’s bright eyes could be penetrating as well. As if she was analysing every part of her, digging for the unknowns.

“But isn’t that more of a description of your hobbies though? Well, except for the introverted part, but you know”, Jinsol finally commented, the brightness in her eyes returning to replace the previous intense gaze, with some confusion as well.

Haseul nodded in agreement. Both girls looked at with confused and expecting looks. Sooyoung bit her lip. She thought about what to say, but the truth was that she was at a loss for words.

She was so unused to talking about herself that she truly did not know what more to say. Or at least anything that she herself saw as acceptable to tell.

Sooyoung opened and closed her mouth a few times, but no sound came out except for a few ‘uhms’.

“Hm, is there something you see as inseparable from your personality? One word that really describes you?”, Haseul asked, trying to help. Unfortunately, Sooyoung still couldn’t think of anything.

“Ho-”, Jinsol said, before getting interrupted by the teacher’s heavy voice.

“Alright, time is up!”

Sooyoung let out a small breath of relief and internally thanked her saviour. She only now realized the tension in her jaw.

The teacher introduced himself as Jeon Jaebeom and briefly talked about his hobbies and then of his love for unique socks.

Sooyoung chuckled thinking about how he really wasn’t kidding when he said he wanted something original.

Each student in their group introduced the other. Haseul had been the one to talk about Sooyoung and had described her as a person who liked her quiet alone time and had a passion for music and books. Sooyoung did admit that she liked the short-haired description better.

Though, when she had introduced Jinsol, and the blonde had introduced Haseul, Sooyoung couldn’t help but feel slightly distressed.

What if she didn’t know herself as well as she thought? Did she have her own colour, or was she still an unmatching mix of the different personalities she had forced upon herself years ago?

Her thoughts were threatening to get lost in a forest of self-doubt, walking in circles of fear, going back to how it used to be. How she used to behave years ago.

But contrary to the past, she now had a guide. Her own set of rules that led her to an escape of infinite routines.

No, things were never going to be how they used to before.

Sure, she might have made a mistake now, almost crashing against old walls. But she managed to steer away and focus on her new beginnings.

Two hours of class had ended after having spent analysing a book they had to read for homework. Sooyoung had quietly jotted down things that she found to be important to remember.

As soon as the teacher announced the ending of the class, Sooyoung immediately put on her jacket, threw her books in her bag and stood up ready to leave.

However, Jinsol seemed to have taken a likening in halting her movements and disrupting her plans because once again the blonde spoke and caught Sooyoung’s attention with the unexpected.

“So where do you guys live? Maybe we can walk together for a bit?”, she suggested. Haseul’s eyes got filled with joy upon hearing the suggestion.

“Oh that sounds like a good idea!”

Sooyoung blinked a few times, her silence earning both girl’s attention.

“Sooyoung?”, Jinsol tilted her head slightly as she waited for a response.

“Oh… uhm, yea sure!”, she replied, confusingly rubbing the back of her head somewhat still a bit surprised.

After all, she hadn’t expected for one of them to suggest something like this that quickly considering they rarely knew each other.

Did this mean that they had taken a liking to her?

“Great! Hold on, let me just put my books into my bag”, Jinsol said.

“Wow, you haven’t done that yet? Looks like someone is a bit slow”, Haseul chuckled.

“I mean… she was 30 minutes late during the orientation day. I don’t think this should come off as a surprise”, Sooyoung further teased with a small side-smirk on her face, feeling herself relax from any prior tension.

Jinsol pouted at them.

“You guys are hurting my feelings!”, she whined with a child-like voice while trying to pack her things as quickly as possible.

Sooyoung playfully rolled her eyes, earning a soft slap on her arm from the blonde.

“Come on, no fighting. Let’s keep it friendly”, Haseul grinned as she took her place between both of them.

The three of them walked side-by-side through the now more crowded corridor to the elevators. Jinsol and Haseul continued to crack jokes while Sooyoung remained quiet.

Despite having taken a liking to the two girls, Sooyoung’s social energy was getting drained. Feelings of longing for some alone time with music flowing through her earphones were growing stronger and her ability to interact was worsening.

Sooyoung could only partially listen to the conversation, playing the part of the silent participant.

The door of the elevator opened, revealing it to be empty, which Sooyoung deeply appreciated due to her dislike of crowded small spaces.

Within seconds, they had reached the wanted floor without any interruption of new incomers. Sooyoung waited for the two girls to step out first (letting others go in front had become a bit of a habit of hers somehow), before quietly following them. Haseul threw her a quick questioning gaze and Sooyoung smiled, signalling that she was alright.

The moment the door closed, the elevator next to the one they had taken opened, a faint pinging sound announcing its arrival and briefly capturing Sooyoung’s attention.

She looked over her shoulder back to the elevators, somehow expecting to see her other classmates that had failed to be quick enough to take the same elevator as the three of them. Haseul had tried to open the door by pressing on the button but had been a bit late in doing so. Unsurprisingly, the short-haired girl had felt slightly guilty about it, being the very polite person she seemed to be.

As predicted, a few familiar faces stepped out. Three of them were her classmates as expected. The other two caught her by surprise.

Specially that one person whose eyes had made Sooyoung feel like she had been observing the starry nightly skies the moment she had looked in them.

Those eyes triggered short and vivid memories as if they had occurred the day before and not four months ago.

Even though there were some were slight alterations to her appearance, Sooyoung was certain she would always be able to recognize her.

The girl’s previous brown hair was now dyed in a shade of deep red (Sooyoung thought it suited her, she was still as beautiful as then) and instead of being tied up in a high ponytail, it was loose. Half of it cascaded over her right shoulder like waves, ending just underneath her arm which was holding some books against her chest. The other part flowed over her back, some of it tugged behind her ear, the left side of her neck left exposed.

Bangs still partly covered her forehead, so it looked like they did so slightly less. Her smile was just as pearly white but now even wider. The girl seemed more comfortable than back then. Sooyoung concluded that it was probably because instead of being engaged in a conversation with people she had never met, the girl was now solely talking to her friend.

Sooyoung had also immediately recognized her friend’s face. It was the possibly detached and sarcastic girl who had been uncertain about whether she would take the course or not. It seemed like she had decided to do so after all.

Even though the hall was dominated by the sound of other students’ voices, Sooyoung heard the redhaired girl’s own the clearest. It sounded slightly deeper compared to a few months ago when it had been more high-pitched. Her giggles were, however, unchanged, bearing the same feelings of warmth and brightness with them.

Overall, the girl seemed to have a sunshine-like personality which was an interesting contrast to her somewhat more stoic friend. Not that she judged her friend negatively for it.

In fact, Sooyoung herself had been described by some as phlegmatic as well. What she triggered her curiosity was the question of whether the girl’s friend had always been like that or whether something had happened that made her change her behaviour. For Sooyoung it had been the latter.

The redhaired girl’s smile widened as her friend told her something and frankly Sooyoung found it hard to look away.

Her gaze was only torn off when she bumped into a sudden halted Jinsol. Sooyoung quickly stepped back and put her hands up.

“Oh shit, sorry…”

Both Haseul and Jinsol were looking at her. The blonde looked confused while the other girl looked rather worried.

“Is there something wrong? You seem quite distracted”, Haseul asked with a gentle voice.

“O-oh, no, no there is nothing wrong!”, Sooyoung could feel herself blush lightly because of her… awkward crash into the blonde. “I’m just a bit tired that’s all…”

It wasn’t really a lie. Somewhere during the second half of the class, her eyes had gotten a bit heavy and all she had thought of was going home, eating and trying to sleep.

Last night Sooyoung had barely been able to close her eyes due to anxious thoughts of her first day at uni.

“Did you get some sleep?”, Haseul asked.

“Well… not really”, Sooyoung said, feeling somewhat a bit guilty. Haseul really acted like a parent.

“Hm, you should. Maybe we should hurry up so that you can go home sooner.”

She couldn’t help but smile at the girl’s obvious concern. It felt genuine.

“Yea, agreed”, Jinsol nodded.

Just when they were about to resume their walk, Sooyoung caught the pretty girl and her friend pass by them, either unfazed or completely unaware of what Sooyoung had thought of as her awkward failure.

She quietly walked next to the blonde, yet her eyes were fixated on the redhaired girl in front of her who was close in distance.

A few minutes ago, Sooyoung had been able to listen partly to Haseul and Jinsol’s conversation, but now her attention was completely caught by the nameless and pretty student.

They kept walking on the same sidewalk until Sooyoung and her two potential friends had reached their bus stop. The girl and her friend crossed the street and waited for the bus opposite of theirs.

For the next four minutes Sooyoung shot glances to the other side, capturing some details of the redhaired girl’s features (like the way her eyes almost entirely closed whenever she laughed) until their bus arrived.

And then Sooyoung’s eyes followed the bus until it had disappeared from her sight and even then she kept looking in that same way as questions popped up in her mind (such as how far that girl’s house from school and from Sooyoung’s own neighbourhood and how likely or unlikely the chance would be that they coincidentally bumped against each other amidst the large city).

On her way home, Sooyoung’s mind wandered from things like her class, to her two acquaintances (for now at least) and sometimes to brief thoughts about the nameless and pretty girl.

Her dad’s curiosity about her first day, however, distracted her from starry eyes and melodious giggles as Sooyoung told him about the teacher and the class, as well as brief thoughts on the students and, of course, Jinsol and Haseul.

After dinner and having spent some time on her laptop making the homework for the class the day, Sooyoung went to bed and read the book for next week’s class, which she found to be quite intriguing due to its mix of psychology, romance and the gothic, until she got tired and her brain didn’t process any more words.

In bed she reflected on the day’s events. Despite last night’s anxious concerns, her first day had been quite pleasant. Class was interesting, the teacher wasn’t boring due to his obvious passion about literature and on top of that she had met two people who seemed to have to type of personality that she would like to befriend. Though she would rather spend a longer time figuring them out, just to be certain.

The last thing, or actually person, that crossed her mind was the nameless girl. Specially how pretty she was. That was all Sooyoung could really think because of the absence of interaction between them. Even four months ago they hadn’t really talked. It had been no conversation.

She had observed the way the girl behaved when talking to Jinsol, that guy and her friend, but Sooyoung found it somehow hard to pinpoint the girl, which only further increased her curiosity.

She wondered how the girl and her seemingly quite contrastive friend had met, whether the redhead was as bright as she appeared, whether she was kind and genuine or pretentious. Whether she preferred to be alone or surrounded by others. Was she sensitive to judgement or unafraid to be who she was?

Those questions and more kept Sooyoung busy until her eyelids got heavier and her train of thought vaguer and the last image she saw was that of the girl’s sparkling eyes that outshined the stars.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, welcome to my first Loona fic! I already posted this fic on AFF & wanted to post it here as well for people who might enjoy reading it! I'm excited about it because I've never written Loona-centric fics before, so I hope it will be enjoyable for you as well! x


End file.
